Due to technical issues, the layout, music, tagboard and links,which are basically all of the add-ons in this blog, have been totally erased.
This will be the last entry for this blog. Not much of a last post, seeing that that total post counts isn't near even the 100th post.. Anyways, faithful readers don't have to visit this link anymore.
This was supposed to be a good, long entry, covering stuffs like the recent fireworks festival, what happened outside today, upcoming camp, scc chalet. At the very last minute however, everything changed in just a split second. Just. Like. That.
your words, they cut me deep. fresh wounds upon these old scars of mine.
have you ever felt like you were used like some sort of a tool? like, you were always there for somebody, no matter what? Be it good times or bad.. except, except that you weren`t really there during the good times. you just get forgotten, quite conveniently, thrown away like an unwanted toy into some forsaken corner. treated like you have an expiry date, and once you were past your shelf life, you`re simply just not needed anymore.
and the only time somebody looks for you, is when bad days have fallen upon that person again. when that person needs to share the woes, get some advice, seek some help. so you give in, and thats what you do. you listen to the problems, gives some comments, and offer to help in whatever way you can. once the problem was solved, everything seemed to be okay again, except that it`s not. you still found yourself out of the 'happiness' picture.
And the vicious cycle just continue. By the way, that's not hope you`re holding on too, it`s naiveness.
Sunday, end of the week once again. Study week begins in less then an hour, followed by the exam period. I have only 2 papers. I thought i wouldn`t do fantastically well for ETE, but looks like i`m going to have trouble with EM3B as well, judging from my recent CCT results, which was like a hugh surprise for me. Just a week left, tell me what to do. Failure is approaching my doorstep once again.
National Day yesterday. Though i`m not one to be a patriotic citizen of this nation, i wish Singapore a happy 43rd birthday anyway. Some people have problems remembering how old you are, not for me though. I just add 24 to my age, and viola, that's Temasek's years for you. Since there`s 24 hours in a day and all.. so, yeah. The last time i was in the presence of the National Day Parade, i believe it was back when i was still in primary school. Somehow or another, the school managed to get a bunch of tickets, so quite a number of primary school kids got to go, including me of course. I almost got to go a second time about 3 or 4 years ago. Was out and everything with my friends already, but at the last minute, it turned out there wasn`t enough tickets to go around, 1 short to be precise. Knowing that my bestie hh don`t have much opportunity to attend this kind of events, i offered him my space. Of course he rejected at first, as expected from him, so i had to lie that i had an errand to do anyway. White lie okay? It`s for a good cause though. His character is like, too damn stubborn for his own good. Yeaps.. and i think fireworks are like awesome! Haha, that was probably like, so random. The effect of bright lights bursting in the vast and dark skies, and the 'random' exploding patterns, simply breathtaking i tell you.
Okay, another random thought. In the midst of all these jubliant celebrations, we tend to forget which month of the Lunar calendar is upon us. Haha. I wonder if it`s like, pre-arranged from way back when, so that the spirits of the underworld can enjoy National Day amongst the living as well.. and scare us sh*t-less in the process. Haha! Regardless of race, language, living entities or otherwise ehh?
Nothing exciting today i suppose. Woke up like late, late. Somewhere close to 3 p.m. i suppose. Received a message from elizabeth asking if i could study with her. It was like, so last minute. Met her at Plaza Singapura`s Starbucks, but she didn`t really do much work. Mostly flipping through her book and looking around. Haha. Somehow managed to get her to so some, albeit not much, work. She left after only an hour since we met; her mother came to pick her up and all. Looking at her mentality of studying, i really can`t help but compare with my O`levels period. True, she was still only doing her N`levels, but it is just as important as the O`levels.
I remember how our cohort that year mugged for our papers. Even though there was still gaming, outings and stuffs in the middle, when we got down to studying, it was all serious. Not sure `bout the rest, but i even stayed through two different nights at AMK`s McDonald`s just to study, then taking the first bus from there to school for that same paper. I can`t say i`m too happy with my results , looking at them now. Okay, i`m contended with those that i did pass, fair enough. Like A1 for E.Maths and B3 for English Language (Where forth are thou, A2?). I`m just upset that i didn`t have a full O`levels certificate. Just 4 passes. Sighs. I`m not killing myself with regrets though. All in the past, water under the bridge. But for you guys still taking secondary education, better make sure you break your necks and work your butts off till you graduate. Won`t be easy, but secondary school wasn`t meant to be a breeze. You can slack all you want once you reach tertiary education.
Wondered around Plaza Singapura after elizabeth left. No prize for guessing where i went first. I think, i`m really starting to suck at the Drummania machine. Looks like i got over my peak, and way past my prime. Such a waste, and i haven`t gotten to the 'attracted crowd in awe' standard. Pity pity.. Saw rachelle at Plaza Singapura too. She sure has grown much since the last i saw her back at bartley back.. three years ago? Still have the looks though. She saw me and smiled a little, then walked away with her two friends accompanying her. Oh well, just another acquaintance, as expected. McDonald`s for dinner, and only because i want to complete the Olympic Cups set. I already have four of the five, and it would be a darn shame if i failed to make a claim for the final piece.
Tadaa ~!! It only took me five McSpicy Meals, upsized, change the drink to iced milo, no mayonaise and fries without salt. Two curry sauce pl0x. Thankiew~ =3
*** Songs 4 U
Still in the oldies mood. For today, it is the very first song ever that i heard when i was a young boy. First song of my life, first song that i loved.
It
is a ballad written by Gary Baker and Frank J. Myers that became a hit for two acts in 1994. Initially it was a number one song on the U.S. Hot Country Singles & Tracks chart for John Michael Montgomery at the beginning of the year. His version crossed over to pop radio and climbed to #42 on the Billboard Hot 100. A few months later, All-4-One covered the song and achieved a great success in many countries, including Sweden where it was a number-one hit.
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Swear
And that song is none other then, the one and only, [Insert drumroll], I Swear!
I Swear John Michael Montgomery
I see the questions in your eyes I know what's weighing on your mind You can be sure I know my part 'Cause I`ll stand beside you through the years You'll only cry those happy tears And though I make mistakes I'll never break your heart
CHORUS: And I swear By the moon and the stars in the skies I'll be there I swear like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there For better or worse, 'till death do us part I'll love you with every beat of my heart And I swear
I'll give you every thing I can I'll build your dreams with these two hands We'll hang some memories on the walls And when there`s silver in your hair You won't have to ask if I still care 'Cause as the time turns the page, my love won't age at all
Chorus x 2
o0O-O0o
The video featuring the original artist for the track. The person who did the subtitles made it look like some hong kong movie. Haha. The cover by the boyband "All-4-One" has a different arrangement. For one, they started off with the chorus as an intro. Also, a line from the verse after the chorus was changed. The part, "And when there`s silver in your hair" was edited to, "And when just the two of us are there", if you actually noticed, which i think not would be the case for many.
Another listen-and-cry song. Touching lyrics indeed. Personal favourite part would be, "For better or worse, till death do us part. I`ll love you with every beat of my heart".
::~~::
*** Video Selection of the Week:
Names that you should know:
George Bush is the male lead as the President of the United States. Condoleeze Rice is the woman giving the report. Hu Jintao is the referenced guy in China. Yassir Arafat is some guy in the Middle East. Kofi Annan is the referenced U.N. person.
And so, another sleepless night no thanks to finishing up of PFA Project 2. Not that it`s exactly finished.. i just puttied and rendered my model mouse, all 3 of them. 1 for trial and 2 to choose from for final presentation. Speaking of presentation, i`m freaking worried about it. I haven`t been really performing for PFA much at all, and i predict that my presentation will suck `cos i basically have no idea how a good presentation should be like. Mine will probably be just another sub-standard quality amongst the sea of hopefuls, if i am so lucky.
Going to bath, iron clothes, then off to school soon to see what i can do for my presentation. PFA is very shaky for me now, `cos i really can`t tell if i will pass or fail this time. I cannot afford to fail again. 5 years is too much too handle, and i don`t mean that literally.
Yeah okay i know, i haven`t been regular with blogging, again. Haven`t had a right frame of mind to do so in awhile. Things.. happened, i guess. Ah well, all in the past. i did think for awhile that i was over it, but last Thursday when a certain event was revealed to me, i didn`t expect myself to almost cry. It really did caught me off guard, and it just goes to show i wasn`t as ready as i thought i was. More time, perhaps. Perhaps..
Met up with huijia at SIM last Monday. Felt a little bad as i haven`t been seeing her in awhile, so decided to fetch her home from school. Had a good talk on the way back, mostly about her stuffs, and a certain guy. Don't know why, but i suddenly just felt so protective for her. True, she`s a big girl now and she can take care of herself, but still.. oh i don`t know. *shrugs* Walked back home after sending her back to her house. It wasn`t that far.. okay maybe it was quite a distance, but still walk-able. Good exercise.
SCC`s activity was, a potluck event of sorts, including a karaoke session of course. It was the last one before the upcoming study week, then the dreaded exams. Typical me isn`t really fond of singing (for a good reason..), and a KTV atmosphere is not really my ideal place to relax in, so spent most of the evening out by myself. People who spotted me would give the "Eh, why you alone emo here?" comments. Okay, just to set it straight, i wasn`t 'emo'-ing. If i really was, no one would be able to find me. Think, 31st December 2007 countdown session back then. Case closed.
Oh, something random. Was having CADD2 class this afternoon, when i suddenly thought of the song, 'Tell Laura I Love Her' for no apparent reason. None at all. I just had the suddenly urge to listen to the song. I could only vaguely remember the chorus, but not the rest of the lyrics. So i did a little search, and when i found it, i swear i could have tear`ed a little if i wasn`t in the middle of the class. The lyrics were simple enough, but it`s like, SO DAMN SADDENING !
Okay, sorry about that, but it`s true. Many songs back then had the simplest of lyrics, but the stories they tell is just.. so rivoting. And the emotions they invoke in the souls of the listeners, it`s just unbelieveable.
Tell Laura I Love Her Ray Peterson
Laura and Tommy were lovers He wanted to give her everything Flowers, presents But most of all, a wedding ring
He saw a sign for a stock car race A thousand dollar prize it read He couldn't get Laura on the phone So to her mother, Tommy said
Tell Laura I love her Tell Laura I need her Tell Laura I may be late I've something to do, that cannot wait
He drove his car to the racing grounds He was the youngest driver there The crowed roared as they started the race Around the track they drove at a deadly pace
No one knows what happened that day Or how his car overturned in flames But as they pulled him from the twisted wreck With his dying breath, they heard him say
Tell Laura I love her Tell Laura I need her Tell Laura not to cry My love for her will never die
Now in the chapel where Laura prays For her poor Tommy, who passed away It was just for Laura he lived and died Alone in the chapel she can hear him cry
Tell Laura I love her Tell Laura I need her Tell Laura not to cry My love for her will never die
***
Pause my playlist on the right, and take a little of your time to listen to this. A 60`s oldie it might be, but it is well worth it.
Holed up in the library right now. Supposed to be shading and rendering my drawings, yet i wasted my time (as usual,) surfing the net and such. Have to finish the renderings today, so i can seek Richard's approval on my design, so i can use Gregory's illustrator to do my poster tomorrow, so i can finish up (or rather, start to do..) my two reports which are due, so i can present on thursday, so i can submit the whole damn-project-which-has-taken-so-much-out-of-my-personal-time by the end of this week. Yeap, no pressure. If i fail this, it's just another year in ngee ann.. again.. no biggie.
Right, i really should get started already. Really.
And it's so disgustingly cold right now. Should have brought a jacket-or-something.
Somehow, it didn't hurt as bad as i thought it would, though it still did nevertheless. Perhaps i was already prepared for it? Or maybe it's just that i have grown accustomed to it.. it doesn't matter. Nothing's changed though, i still do blame myself for all that has unfolded.
The lone walk home tonight never felt so.. especially empty. I ought to be glad she's not going home alone as i am, at the very least.
Right now, i just feel tired. Really, really tired. Just take me away, away from it all.
Just look at yourself, wallowing in self-pity. You're pathetic, you know that? Wasting away the time, day after day after day. Can you for once just get something done well? Look at your siblings already. Your sister is well on her way in being a secondary school teacher, your brother serving National Service and taking over the family business once he was done.
And just what have YOU accomplished? What plans have you made for yourself? Will you be doing anything remotely resembling some form of work in future besides sponging off of your parents?
Look at your qualifications. Just a measly PSLE certificate. Not even attaining a full O' Levels. What are you, stupid? Assuming you do pass your second year this time round (and that's a VERY big assumption), can you make it pass your third?
What now, girl troubles? Oh boo hoo, cry me a river, why don't you? Please, she already told you not to wait for her, can it be anymore direct? Stop being so damn stubborn and MOVE ON. You know why you can't? `Cause you're weak, you're soft, being oh-so-sentimental and refusing to let go of what you once had. How many more nights will you be soaking your pillows with those silly tears of yours? You should have stayed inside your shell all the while. I tried to warn you, multiple times in fact. I told you so when you talked to her for the first time. I told you so when you thought she was someone special, and different somewhat. I told you so when you started longing for her presence when she wasn't around. Those, and more. No surprise, you wouldn't listen to me. Thought i wrong, didn't you? Guess what? i WAS right. Now isn't that a nice, cold slap to your face? Scurry along back to your shell, i'll rememeber to post you a memo telling you to stay inside for good.
Basically, you're just nothing, aren't you? You have no purpose, no goal. Nothing to keep you going. No one to bother about you. Yes, i'm glad you've come to the realisation that your life, as you would call it, 'sucks'. If you don't like your life, if you hate yourself that much, just end it all already. Remember, all of this is your fault, and yours alone, so just stop blaming the world for whatever that has happened. Then again, death would just be an easy way out for you, won't it? If that is the case, you should carry on living and breathing. Not because you should, but because i want you to be reminded of your meaningless existence. You'll never be a filial son, a loyal friend, a loving partner, a hardworking employee, an accomplished drummer, nor a worthy human being.
You truly epitomise the phrase of 'being nothing'. And don't go around playing with my words. You're not fit to be perfect.
A farmer came to see the Buddha. He went on telling the Buddha his problems with the farming, with his wife and with his kids, laying out all his difficulties and worries.
The Buddha patiently listened to the man. Finally he wound down and waited for the Buddha to say the words that would put everything right for him. Instead, the Buddha said, "I can't help you."
"What do you mean?" said the astonished man.
"Everybody's got problems," said the Buddha. "In fact we've all got eighty-three problems and there's nothing you can do about it. If you work really hard on one of them, maybe you can fix it -- but if you do, another one will pop right into its place. For example, you're going to lose your loved ones eventually. And you are going to die some day. Now there's a problem, and there's nothing you, or I, or anyone else can do about it."
The man became furious. "I thought you were a great teacher!" he shouted. "I thought you could help me! What good is your teaching then?"
The Buddha said, "Well, maybe it will help you with the eighty-fourth problem."
The man was puzzled, "What's the eighty-fourth problem?"
Said the Buddha, "You want to not have any problems."
We think that we have to deal with our problems in a way that exterminates them, that distorts or denies their reality. But in doing so, we try to make reality into something other than what it is. We try to rearrange and manipulate the world so that dogs will never bite, accidents will never happen, and the people we care about will never die. Even on the surface, the futility of such efforts should be obvious.
Point of posting that?
I managed to retrieve back my ez-link card, but i lost my set of house keys. My left calf doesn't hurt as bad now, but my right wrist does, and it doesn't look like it's getting any better.
Yeah of course, the story above means much more then that. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things just don't turn out the way we thought it would. It would appear that everything around us is pre-arranged by 'fate' or 'destiny'. You might want to live 'your way', but it has already been decided that you will be living in 'that way'. It's not fair, but that's life for you. I've gotten used to it.
Yes, random i know.
Been spending a little too much time on games recently to take my mind off.. stuffs. But i've kind of over abused that need to the extent that i haven't been doing enough school work. Common test is just next week too. ETE paper on Tuesday and EM3B on Wednesday. sighs. Product Design & Innovation. It's really not easy. I know i'm a lazy procrastinator, but seriously, trust me. I believe i have at least half a dozen supporters willing to back up that statement. No point changing course since i'm already in so late in the academic ladder. I swear i will never touch another pencil with a drawing block after i graduate from ngee ann.
***
And so, SCC Monthly Performance yesterday. Took photos and videos till the memory stick was crammed. I'm slowly rebuilding back my gallery, though it can never replace the glory it once had. Performance with Gary J. and Amos went well. They thought it was kind of messy, though i couldn't notice.. Uhh, i meant yeah i thought so too. Never mind. After Gary J.'s song was Steve's, and it was with me too. Somehow, last year's mistake of grouping the same performer in a row repeated itself. Okay, maybe it wasn't a mistake, but i feel that there should be at least one or two songs spaces in between any songs which contains the same performer(s). Anyway, back to Steve. Pop-jazz, his song was, or rather, what we had interpreted. I thought i played okay overally.. Mandy told me it was a good attempt for my first try, so yeah. Funny style -.-
Commendations for finishing Monthly Performance at 9.30 p.m. even though there were 23 songs.
KAP dinner as usual after Monthly Performance. For the 2nd time there, i spilt my iced milo again. It got all over my shoe, Qiuyun and Sherlyn's legs, and some specks on Ziqin's bag.
Apologies to Qiuyun, Sherlyn, Ziqin and Mcdonald floor for my incompetency to handle a cup of iced milo.
For the Nth time, i saw everyone moving on, away from me again.
please do not accuse me of being drunk when i'm not. i don't like it when you use that as an excuse to explain my actions.
Yes, i did touch alcohol again, but it was only a bottle. Yes, my face might have gone all red and warm, but my senses was still with me.
Trust me, when i'm drunk, i'll say it, or just moan incoherently. I wouldn't be standing upright and still be leading the way.
Besides, it wasn't appropriate to be wasted at Angeline's birthday. If i want to waste myself, i'll do it under controlled circumstances, no matter how badly i want it.
***
if somehow, somewhere,
i get to see you again,
there's one thing i want to say.
sorry.
sorry for being a bother.
sorry for all that i've done.
sorry for everything that's happened.
-evoldetiuqernuekilefilfotuoetsatehtsekatgnihton-
***
Video Selection(s) of the Week:
Blurry Puddle Of Mudd
Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake and everybody's empty and everything is so messed up pre-occupied without you I cannot live at all My whole world surrounds you I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone you could be my scene you know that i'll protect you from all of the obscene I wonder what you're doing imagine where you are there's oceans in between us but that's not very far
Can you take it all away can you take it all away well ya shoved it in my face this pain you gave to me Can you take it all away can you take it all away well ya shoved it my face
Everyone is changing there's no gone left that's real to make up your own ending and let me know just how you feel cause I am lost without you I cannot live at all my whole world surrounds you I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone you could be my scene you know that i will save you from all of the unclean I wonder what you're doing I wonder where you are There's oceans in between us but that's not very far
[Chorus]
Nobody told me what you thought nobody told me what to say everyone showed you where to turn told you when to runaway nobody told you where to hide nobody told you what to say everyone showed you where to turn showed you when to runaway
[Chorus]
This pain you gave to me
You take it all You take it all away... This pain you gave to me You take it all away This pain you gave to me Take it all away This pain you gave to me
Untitled Simple Plan
I open my eyes I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light I can’t remember how I can’t remember why I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain And I can’t make it go away No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I’ve got no where to run The night goes on As I’m fading away I’m sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me I’m slipping off the edge I’m hanging by a thread I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered And I can’t explain what happened And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done No I can’t
How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I’ve got no where to run The night goes on As I’m fading away I’m sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes I’ve got no where to run The night goes on As I’m fading away I’m sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me
Another sleepless night.. okay okay.. so i stayed up all night just to play video game, but you can't blame me. I haven't touched a single game (barring NintendoDS) for like 3000 years. So, sue me if you want. Upcoming week is going to be tough, and so will the weeks to follow. All in preparation for PFA Project II, which holds like 35% of the whole module marks.So unless i want to take PFA for the 3rd time, i better do something this time.
Work work work.. and ironically, i don't like to draw at all, yet i find myself in a product designing course.
Life never really gives you what you want. You just have to deal with it.
***
excuse me. you think you don't have a place in anyone? welcome to my world. i've been a resident here for around seven years now. i don't want to sound harsh, but you know darn well you have people who are close to you. think of those who are genuine to you before you go around thinking "i have no real friends and no one cares".
please, that's my line. my shoes won't fit your feet.
I thought having one problem troubling me is bad enough.
I was wrong.
Out of nowhere, misuderstanding arose and now i have another situation to deal with.
AND as i was still figuring out what to do about Door Number 2, some screw job happened, and i have both parties to compromise.
..
...
how do you shout out loud in a blog? By typing SOL?
If only it was that easy. Too many stuffs happening all at once. And i'm not even going to sleep tonight. Have to finish drawing Project 1, which is already overdue might i add, and start on Assignment 3.
Bad week is probably the understatement of the year.
and they all just keep accumulating within, bit by bit, bit by bit..
Oh, talk talk talk Oh, shut your mouth. A little kiss kiss kiss, come on and help me out. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and desperate desires lead to desperate pleasures. You know? Oh yeah, you know don't you? Oh god, you don't? Oh no, you don't, do you?
Won't you teach teach teach me if you can. How to beat more guys up by the hand. Who needs class when you got money? Well I've got cash, but you've got everything else. Well you can call me crazy, but I heard that sells.
Oh, why can't I be you? Oh, how can I be you? Oh, it's so easy for you to be just what everyone wants to be. So, why not me? Tell me, why not me? Tell me!
Well look look look who's laughing now? Well it's me-e-e, but not too loud. I won't make it on my own for long, dear. I'm doing anything to just hold on here. It's true, it's true, that I could just walk a mile in another man's shoes.
Oh, why can't I be you? Oh, how can I be you? Oh, it's so easy for you to be, just what everyone wants to be. So, why not me? Tell me, why not me?
Now listen to me, listen to me, you're what I should be, what I could be. So what do you say, what do you say? I'm willing to pay, begging to pay. Now what'll it take, what'll it take, to get me a break, give me a break? Oh what can you do, what can I do, to make you like me, make me like you?
Why can't I be you? Oh, how can I be you? Oh, it's so easy for you to be, just what everyone wants to be, the things never stop haunting me, you can make it look so easy! Why not me? Tell me! Why not me? Oh, tell me! Why, not me?
Catchy and upbeat song, though it's kinda of short. I like what the drummer is wearing. Maybe i'll don a suit for performance one day too?
Got back my laptop 6 days after i dropped it off at the service center. So many stuffs to whine about, but let's forget it. As long as it's back in one piece, and still operational. Spent the whole of today trying to re-install as many software it once had as possible. As expected, they had cleaned the whole hard disk, and didn't even bother to partition it, so i have only a C drive. Internet browser sometimes runs a little slow, and imeem player doesn't work, like 85% of the time. Fingerprint Navigator still doesn't work. Pffft.
Updated my language bar. Downloaded Internet Explorer 7, Windows Live Messenger, Messenger Plus, Windows Media Player 11 and iTunes, Quicktime Player and Adobe Flash Player/Reader. Didn't managed to find Microsoft Office anywhere to download. My sister said hers is with a friend, and earliest i can get is next Saturday. If i remember correctly, i have 2 presentations and a report to submit by next Friday.
Wonderful.
That's 2 things that won't be the same again..
***
Was at one of my usual toilets in school when i came up with this random thought.
For the case of toilets which are hardly used:
Would they be clean because of the low frequency in users? Or would they be dirty because the cleaners wouldn't bother to constantly clean them, knowing well that no many people uses those toilets anyway?
And as for the case of overused toilets:
Would they be kept in a clean condition to appease the toilet-goers? Or would they be dirty just because theres a lot of in out activity?
I feel that every one of those thesis are very much possible. I guess it would depend on the general location of those toilets? Comparing canteen 1's toilet with, let's say, an easily accessable Changi Terminal 1 toilet. Both toilets would definately see the most percentage of toilet users as compared to the other toilets in that same area. But of course, Changi Airport gets alot of tourists coming in everyday, so the toilets there would be like, impressive all the time.. whereas canteen 1's toilet probably gets cleaned only when the crowd thins out.
Just a thought.
Oh by the way, i'm extremely disappointed with the toilets in Singapore Expo. Total letdown.
***
it is true that nothing lasts forever. everyone wishes things never change when circumstances are in their favor. there's no point entertaining any hope, 'cause it will just turn out to be false. the only way through this is to get used to it, then move on.
yeah, that sure was easy to type out. let's see you actually do it. call me dumb, foolish and stubborn. tell me there's no chance, no reason and no second chances.
but the one thing you can't do, is explain why i'm still hanging on.
Yeepie-ai-yay. It's official. My hard disk crashed. Goodbye to my beloved C, D and E drives. Every accumulations that you've helped me to store is now kapoofed. Every song, pictures, photos, documents, software, games.. it's been a good 2 years. Now you guys are free to roam the mystical fields of Lost Data.
Emotions Checklist:
Upset: Over 2 years of vapourised data.
Regret: Not burning every photo album and videos i had.
Disappointed: Unable to take proper care of laptop
Oh well.. silver lining?
Laptop should run smoothly already now that it's empty...?
***
can lightning strike twice at the same spot? probably. or not?
perhaps. just perhaps.. i shouldn't be so foolhardy.
i don't know. maybe the third time's the charm.
but does it really matter?
i've been questioning myself a couple of times..
..okay, maybe more then 'a couple of times'.
why live a life in misery?
sure, it's a tough road.
but it's already been taken.
so i can't really complain much.
i should have expected this to come.
only thing left to do?
take each day as it comes.. i guess.
but with at least 3 smiles a day.
instead of all the constant frowns everyone's been seeing.
my brother said most likely my laptop hard disk crashed. It's so hard to take in. I'm not upset about the games, assignments or songs i have in my laptop. It's the pictures and videos which i have, mostly those of SCC, that i am most afraid of losing. I know in situations like this, the most common solution is to reformat the whole laptop. C Drive,D Drive, everything.. and there is little chance to recover anything at all.
It is rather saddening for me.. all the photos i have taken and accumulated over the years.. Kaleidosound IV, random outings, CCA Fiestas, Monthly Performances just to name a few. Every single photograph means something to me. It is a piece of memory which i can never go back to, but at least i can relieve the experience everytime i look at the pictures. And now, all those memories which i hold so dear to me, are going to disappear.
When i grow old and turn senile, i can only have myself to blame for not protecting my memories.
***
I realised that the worst emotion i can possibly experience is regret.
too many words left unsaid. too many things left undone.
And now my laptop is unable to boot up and all. Some hard disk error i suppose.. have to use my sister laptop for the meantime. I am so envy of how fast her laptop is functioning, and it's a bleeding toshiba as compared to my lenovo !!
Why are these kind of things happening to me.. I'm starting to feel deprived already..
please call or message me people /=
***
i feel so tired. Even today when i've slept at my own pace, i went out for barely 4-5 hours and i'm super tired already. And it's not only today. Has been on-going for quite a while. Obviously something is wrong. Someone diagnose me please. This feeling.. it's just terrible.
Sorry zhiwei for not going vivocity and shop with you. Sorry huijia for not going to meet you after work for dinner.
I just.. feel quite awful. Really really.
sighs.
-niagaecafruoyeesottsujoddluowitahw-
***
In case i still can't get my laptop up tomorrow, here's the video selection of the week:
Maroon 5 - Won't Go Home Without You
I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen She left before I had the chance to say Oh The words that would mend the things that were broken But now it's far too late, she's gone away
Every night you cry yourself to sleep Thinking: "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?" Hard to believe that
It's not over tonight Just give me one more chance to make it right I may not make it through the night I won't go home without you
The taste of your breath, I'll never get over The noises that she made kept me awake Oh The weight of things that remained unspoken Built up so much it crushed us everyday
Every night you cry yourself to sleep Thinking: "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?" Hard to believe that
It's not over tonight Just give me one more chance to make it right I may not make it through the night I won't go home without you
It's not over tonight Just give me one more chance to make it right I may not make it through the night I won't go home without you
Of all the things I felt but never really shown Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh
It's not over tonight Just give me one more chance to make it right I may not make it through the night I won't go home without you
It's not over tonight Just give me one more chance to make it right I may not make it through the night I won't go home without you And I won't go home without you And I won't go home without you And I won't go home without you
You've probably would have heard this song on my playlist. Just posting the lyrics along too.
and so, the lethargic feeling has finally caught up to my body. All the odds,ends and what-nots accumulated to what we have now. Woke up with a bad throat too, which to me is the biggest surprise of all. If possible, i would have just stayed home all day, but there just had to be a ETE lecture at 10am, and in the afternoon i have CADD2 class, which is just starting on the whole mechanism parts. Not to mention i probably have to show shirlene how to operate the DTXmaniaGR game later too. So the best compromise? Just skip the 9am EM3B lecture.
Though from the way things are going, i'll most likely be late for ETE anyway. Better be bathing now.
Just because i was lazy to do my hair, people start asking me,
"Eh, you cut your hair arh?"
It doesn't really seem logical to me. If i did not wax my hair at all, it should look longer then usual as its resting on my skull instead of floating all over. Since that is the case, my question would be how can one cut his hair to a longer length? Senseless really..
Once again, i'm penning down my thoughts into a song.
Take good care of yourself during this period of time. Right now, nothing else matters except for you to get well. You've certainly deserved your long awaited rest.
-erehllitsmitahtwonktsujesigolopatnod-
***
The Nut Within the Shell 101L
Fact #46:
Been listening to a new band recently, and they're called <ロードオブメジャー> [Road Of Major]. Some of the songs they have which i like includes 大切なもの [Taisetsu na mono] (you would probably hear this if you hung around a drummania machine in any arcade), 遇然という名の必然 [Guuzen to iuna no hitsuzen] and 心絵 [Kokoro e]. Big ben says they're just one of those typical J-Rock bands. Ah well, to each his own i say.
Here's one of their PV (Promotional Video.. think MTV, Japan style).
Yeah, the first part is quite 'off', so you might want to skip the first 90 seconds and enjoy the rest of the video..
"心絵" [Kokoro E] (Picture Of My Soul, or Heart Picture literally..) <ロードオブメジャー> [Road of Major]
Romanji Lyrics
egaita yume to koko ni aru ima futatsu no keshiki mikurabete mo katachi wo kaete koko ni aru no wa tashikana hitotsu no mono
sugiyuku haru wo oshimi nagara mo bokura no makuaketa ano natsu ironna koto wo wakari hajimeta aki to nanika ushinatte*a fuyu
GARAKUTA no yama kara sagasu ano hi no yume hibike kono koe yo hibike kono kokoro yo
namida kareru made mata denu kotae oitsudzukete *namida hareru made waga yukue mayoi nagara mo egaki kake no ima kizamu akashi kono te de
kimi to mita hana na no nai hana wa ima mo kawarazu saite iru yo iro wa chigaedo kimi wa chigaedo tashika ni saite iru yo
GARAGARA no koe kara sasaru sakebi no uta hibike kono koe yo hibike kono kokoro yo
namida kareru made tomo ni asu mita kimi yo mada namida hareru made warehito yukue sutekirenu nara egaki kake no ima omoide ni shinai de
mou nukegara no kimi wo mou mitaku wa nai kara hibike kono koe yo hibike kono kokoro yo
That bad huh? Even big Ben is coming up to me and asking what's wrong.
I know that i've sort of changed somewhat. Whether it's a good sign or not, is up to the individuals perspective. I think of it as shaping my life. I believe everyone has moment(s) where they have to face different trials and tribulations of life, and it is through the passing of these obstacles that determine who they are as a person eventually. And it doesn't even matter if one succeeds or fail in that task. There will be a change.
I would like to share a little story which i've heard once in my primary school, and a second time in my secondary school. I'm pretty sure that most of you out there have heard of this one too. To prevent any discrepancies between how the story is told and how much i can actually recall, i managed to find the tale in a website somewhere. So, enjoy.
Potatoes, Eggs And Coffee Beans
Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it.
She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed.
Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot, and ground coffee beans in the third pot.
He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter.
The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing.
After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.
Turning to her he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?"
"Potatoes, eggs, and coffee," she hastily replied.
"Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes." She did and noted that they were soft.
He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.
"Father, what does this mean?" she asked.
He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity - the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently.
The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak.
The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard.
However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.
"Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean? "
In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.
Which one are you?
It is a fact that everyone single soul on this planet will have to face some problems, situations and worries in their lives. It is how you face them that differentiate you from the others. Take some time and think about it.
-ydaerlauoygnissimmaidna-
***
The Nut Within the Shell 101:
Fact #71:
I'm a uber huge fan of the anime 'One Piece' ! I watch both the anime on VeohTV and catch up with the manga when it get's uploaded. Currently, anime-wise, it's on episode 350, and still running! The 'Mugiwara (Straw Hats)' crew haven't even got to the 'New World' yet, which is the other half of the second part of the anime. There's still another five of the 'Shichibukai' to face, Zoro's battle with Mihawk, the four 'Yonkous', the Marine heads and of course, the 'Gorosei', if they even do battle at all.
Besides the storyline line, which is very enjoyable with intriguing plots and many comical scenes (with references to Luffy and his crew), the anime also touches on different aspects of lives, like friendship, loyalty, hopes, dreams and fears. All these talk about なかま(nakama) makes me wonder about how strong the bonds of friendship can be in our oh-so-real lives. It may just be another anime to some of you, but give it a try. You may be pleasantly surprised.
I'm sittin' here all by myself just tryin' to think of something to do Tryin' to think of something, anything just to keep me from thinking of you But you know it's not working out 'cause you're all that's on my mind One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did And you didn't mean to love me back/but I know you did
I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself that you're not the one for me But the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me You know the holidays are coming up I don't want to spend them alone Memories of Christmas time with you will just kill me if I'm on my own, oh
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did And you didn't mean to love me back
I know it's not the smartest thing to do we just can't seem to get it right But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight (one more chance tonight)
I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar But with all my inspiration gone it's not gettin' me very far I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you Oh please, baby won't you take my hand we've got nothing left to prove
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did
And I didn't mean to meet you then we were just kids And I didn't mean to give you chills the way that I kiss And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did No, you didn't mean to love me back But you did
***
The Nut Within the Shell 101:
Face #49:
When i'm upset with myself, i like to introduce my knuckles to mr. wall.
I think sometimes i tend to overreact about the minor incidents, over think about the littlest actions.
Simply put, i think too much. I can't help it. When things happen, i will question beyond just why and how did it happen. I will think about the possible causes and the effects produced thereafter. Why did it happen that way instead of another. What can i interpret from the incident which just unfolded. Any hidden messages somewhere along the line, and stuffs like that.
Don't worry about me guys, things may not turn out to be as bad for me as you think.
-ootgnitseretniebnacgnipmacdeludehcsnu-
***
The Nut Within the Shell 101:
Fact #87:
Don't ask how or why i'm deciding to post this for this entry.
-PSLE Results 2001-
English: A Maths: A Science: A Mother Tongue (CL): B (Quite possibly the highest i ever got for my mother tongue. How i got a B here is still a complete mystery to me.)
The only thing i hate more then having an ulcer.. is having two ulcers. I have like, two on my lower lips that are joined (yes joined) together. How? Maybe it was because i bit myself on the same spot twice? And it didn't help much that the tooth which caused it was pointy sharp. I have a third ulcer like just below my jaw, on the inner gums. Uber irritating. I hate it when i bite my lip accidentally.
-The scheduled 'The Nut Within the Shell 101' program is currently unavailable in this entry. Please check your local listings to see when it will be resumed again within your country.-
sifting through the 'Now Showing's, i realised there's so many movies i want to watch..
- The Forbidden Kingdom - Superhero Movie - Doomsday - Ironman - Money No Enough (10th Anniversary Release ; GV Only)
Yeah, i know i've already watched 'Money No Enough' from before, but i still want to watch it again. It's one of those Jack Neo movies which are forgotten by the general public. I'm very sure people will remember 'I Do, I Do', 'The Best Bet' and of course, 'Just Follow Law' better.
So many movies, so little time..
***
The Nut Within the Shell 101:
Fact #55:
One of the very first movies i can recall watching was 'Antz', a Walt Disney animation movie. It was released about the same time when 'A Bug's Life' was out too. I actually watched it with my whole family, surprisingly. That was the one and only time we watched a movie together.
I know it's uncharacteristic for me to randomly post songs and stuff, but i just felt like it now. Enjoy.
Happy Labour's Day, mina-san.
Sidenote: I just realised that for the whole of yesterday, i didn't comsume anything besides a cup of bubble-tea. hmm...
-emasehtllitsyllaersgnihtera-
***
Rivermaya - You'll Be Safe Here
Nobody knows Just why we're here Could it be fate Or random circumstance At the right place At the right time Two roads intertwine
And if the universe conspired To meld our lives To make us Fuel and fire Then know Where ever you will be So too shall I be
Chorus:
Close your eyes Dry your tears 'Coz when nothing seems clear You'll be safe here
From the sheer weight Of your doubts and fears Weary heart You'll be safe here
Remember how we laughed Until we cried At the most stupid things Like we were so high But love was all that we were on We belong
And though the world would Never understand This unlikely union And why it still stands Someday we will be set free. Pray and believe
Chorus:
When the light disappears And when this world's insincere You'll be safe here When nobody hears you scream I'll scream with you You'll be safe here
Save your eyes From your tears When everything's unclear You'll be safe here
From the sheer weight Of your doubts and fears Wounded heart
When the light disappears And when this world's insincere You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream I'll scream with you You'll be safe here
In my arms Through the long cold night Sleep tight You'll be safe here
When no one understands I'll believe You'll be safe, You'll be safe You'll be safe here Put your heart in my hands You'll be safe here
Normally a song's chorus wouldn't change at all (or much anyway), but this song is different from the others which i've heard. The chorus changes, and even though the perspective of the meaning is slightly different, but the meaning behind it is still there.
Fell in love with this song as soon as i heard the lyrics. This was the inspiration for my first composed song.
***
Enrique Iglesias - Hero
Would you dance if I asked you to dance? Would you run and never look back? Would you cry if you saw me cry? And would you save my soul, tonight?
Would you tremble if I touched your lips? Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this. Now would you die for the one you loved? Hold me in your arms, tonight.
I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away.
Would you swear that you'll always be mine? Or would you lie? would you run and hide? Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care... You're here tonight.
I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away.
Oh, I just want to hold you. I just want to hold you. Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care... You're here tonight.
I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by your forever. You can take my breath away.
I can be your hero. I can kiss away the pain. And I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. You can take my breath away.
I can be your hero.
Yes i know, oldie song. I still like it anyway. Sometimes, it's not about the tune, but the lyrics which are written. The meaning, thoughts and the emotions behind them. What do they invoke in the individuals who listens to them? Everyone has issues with their lives. Listening to songs like these may help them to find solace.
My personal opinion anyway.
***
The Nut Within the Shell 101:
Fact # 33:
I almost drowned once when i was young, though i can't remember exactly how old. Maybe somewhere between 7 to 10 years old? Was at a swimming complex. Normally the little ones would just stay in the baby pool area i know. I was running back at forth between the baby pool and the lounge area where there was some snacks there. It was during one of those trips when i fell into the big pool. Of course then, i didn't know how to swim. I only remember some guy jumping in and carried me out, i don't remember anything after that.
Surprisingly, that incident didn't leave any emotional scars on me. Up till now, i'm not deterred about swimming in pools and such. Though it's true that i still don't swim very well, but it has nothing to do with phobia of water and such.
This must be the first time in a long while (or just first time, period) that i'm blogging during class time. Not really missing much, since it's just computer design class. No, we don't design computers here. It's a class learning how to use a computer software, 'Pro Engineer 3.0', to design stuffs out. The lecturer is introducing one of the sweeping functions of the program, but i've already completed all the exercises through next week classes already. One of my classmate even said i don't have to come for a few lessons already.
Well, it's not that i'm 'professional' with the software or anything, it's just that i have already done this module before last semester, and the only reason why i'm repeating is because i did not submit any assignments. Not much anyway. Sometimes i do feel that i have an unfair advantage over the rest of the current class because of my past experience. I even felt bad when the lecturer gave me extra marks just for, ahh well, forget about it.
I'm still not very used to my 'new' class, though it's the third week of school already..
